Tuesday, February 14, 2012

It's A "Capitalist Conspiracy By Flower Peddlers"

Valentines Day is a Hoax

"I’ve been reading up on Saint Valentine and the Roman, Catholic and Pagan origins of roses, chocolates and Hallmark cards on February 14th.

I’m just not buying it. Don’t get me wrong I am all for love, romance, doting husbands, and kinky sex. It’s just that I support those activities on a daily basis not just one made up day of the year.

The problem with Valentines Day is that it puts too much pressure on everyone involved. It’s kind of like New Years Eve without the booze. For no good reason we are supposed to do something special, have someone special, be happy and in love.

I am in love. But I’m a miserable SOB most of the time and I resent being told to act otherwise.

I really believe its this capitalist conspiracy by flower peddlers (I asked the biggest one in Boston about my theory but he played dumb with me other than to say its his biggest day of the year by far). Think about it. Do they celebrate Valentines Day in communist countries?

I’m sure Fidel has clamped down on this rose crap.

I’m thinking that there is some Big Brother somewhere in the bowels of corporate America who first came up with the idea of converting the birth of Christ into a fat man themed orgy of rain deer. The same guy turned His resurrection into a celebration of bunnies, colored eggs and jelly beans.

Then he got bored. Finally, he called down the hall, Hey Jimmy isn’t there some Saint of Vegtables? How ’bout we come up with a holiday of love with flowers and chocolate? That will really make people’s heads spin. Restaurants can even use special menus and charge quadruple for no reason other than commercialized romantic love!

I’m not buying it. And neither should you. This thing is a hoax. Just say no."

Traditional Valentine’s Gift? A Severed Head


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