Pak/Indian Border Guards Put On Daily "Behold My Penis" Display

Fanfare for the comic men at the India-Pakistan border

"The daily theatrics, part rooster strut, part goose-stepping, part Monty Python Ministry of Silly Walks, start at 4:30 in India, 4:00 in Pakistan. (The two can't agree on the border crossing's name, officially known as Attari in India, so why should the time of day be any different?)

As the ceremony's kickoff approaches, thousands of Indian tourists, babies in tow, popcorn and balloons in hand, dash a quarter of a mile from the parking lot to tiered bleachers a few feet from the historic divide, as if flocking to a rock concert."

"Trumpets sound and several extremely tall soldiers simultaneously appear on their respective sides of the divide, essentially a 250-yard-long courtyard flanked by seating between twin arches. Each of the prancing units sports crisp uniforms: black and green for Pakistan, orange, red and khaki for India. They march about, epitomes of machismo. Both countries choose their finest, as tall, intimidating and, in Pakistan's mustachioed case, hirsute as possible. Their height is amplified by the large, fan-shaped coxcomb bits atop their helmets, evoking peacocks battling for a mate. Shifting into high gear, the dueling guard goliaths goose-step, stomp, spin, strut and salute crisply. With a flash of white spats, several then march triple-speed straight at the border, arms swinging like crazed metronomes, before halting just short of the line."