Tuesday, August 25, 2009

It's Like A Safari, Only Better

Welcome to Somali Cruises

"We sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. We encourage you to bring your 'High powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons of your own, you can rent them on the boat."


"Our guarantee - We guarantee adventure

We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates or we will refund half your money back, including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included). How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted hijacking does not occur, we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia. At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals and loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention."

Photobucket Luxury accommodations

"Testimonials:

I got three confirmed kills on my last trip. I'll never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!" -- Lars , Hamburg Germany

"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates and my 12yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES: 0 - PASSENGERS: 32! Well worth the trip. Just make sure your spotter speaks English" -- Donald, Salt Lake city Utah USA

"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM . Don't worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with those weapons they use and their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam" -- 'chopper' Dan, Toledo USA.

"Like ducks in a barrel. They turned the ship around and we saw them cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot! This is a must do." -- Zeke, Springs Kentucky USA"

2 Comments:

Anonymous nick z. said...

i thought this was an Onion piece. Is it for real? If so, we should start another cruise - to hunt these cruisers! God, I hate the US Empire!

26/8/09 8:20 AM  
Blogger nolocontendere said...

You know nick, I haven't got a clue if the site is for real or not. In this hallucinogenic time frame it's a toss up, but people can click on the link and make up their own minds.
Perhaps I lean towards satire, but again there's the existence of Blackwater...

26/8/09 10:11 AM  

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