Monday, March 23, 2009

Shocking New Study

98% Of Babies Manic-Depressive

"NEW YORK—A new study published in The Journal Of Pediatric Medicine found that a shocking 98 percent of all infants suffer from bipolar disorder. "The majority of our subjects, regardless of size, sex, or race, exhibited extreme mood swings, often crying one minute and then giggling playfully the next," the study's author Dr. Steven Gregory told reporters. "Additionally we found that most babies had trouble concentrating during the day, often struggled to sleep at night, and could not be counted on to take care of themselves—all classic symptoms of manic depression." Gregory added that nearly 100 percent of infants appear to suffer from the poor motor skills and impaired speech associated with Parkinson's disease."


Anonymous greencrow said...

Does it come with a big Fly Swatter? It should with the annoying noice it makes.


23/3/09 9:30 PM  
Blogger nolocontendere said...

I thought so too - and it has the ability to announce your presense pretty noisily, something you wouldn't think the military thought advantageous.

24/3/09 12:13 AM  
Blogger Mad_Tinfoil_Hatter said...

This may be an Onion story, but don't tell that to pediatricians...


24/3/09 1:22 AM  

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