Dreadful 80s Propaganda Stinker Gets A Remake

"In our time, no foreign army has ever occupied American soil. Until now."

Apparently they do run out of ideas in Tinseltown because if there was ever a movie not to remake, it's 1984's "Red Dawn".
The original is possibly worthwhile to see though, if just to catch youngsters Charlie Sheen and Patrick Swayze, and oldsters Ben Johnson and Harry Dean Stanton. And to laugh at the hideous acting, pathetic action and special effects and blatant paranoid jingoism of the director, John Milius. Perhaps the flick is best known for being the first movie to recieve the new PG 13 rating, an outstanding achievement.

For those fortunate enough never to have heard of this travesty, america gets invaded by snarling hordes of Russians, Cubans and well, because it was the 80s, Nicaraguans. These foreign troops somehow magically appear in the middle of the US landmass and proceed to play out every murderous communist fantasy Newt Gingerich ever had. They easily defeat the US Army, Air Force, Navy and Marines. Fortunately though, some plucky high school kids channel future Rambo movies and take on regiments of Spetsnaz while adopting the name of their home team's mascot, the Wolverines. I kid you not.


a cherished heritage under attack

The entire premise of the original is that a bunch of mop haired kids get that good ol' amurkin fighting spirit and defend the home front when no one else seems to be able to. A no holds barred attempt to capitalize on cold war anxiety and get your red blooded righteousness a flowin'. It was a schocky teen fantasy on steroids, forcing you to suspend belief in reality in every scene while at the same time encouraging the viewer to get all stirred up emotionally, something that possibly might have worked with adolescents still sneaking into Dad's closet to gawk at Playboy.



One wonders who the bogeymen will be this time around - the axle of weasel countries? Chinese? Hottentots? Checking the current political climate it's a certainty they're considering the Persians, with all this Iran wartalk and seeing how well that execrable "300" idiocy played. Yet that well could be even too over the top for the producers, unless they play it for laughs.
The only way I see it is to keep the time frame and the enemies the same and remake it as if this might have happened sometime in the past, while adding the usual modern high tech wizardry to the lackluster original.

You know, I just remembered that Red Dawn came out just as Reagan was running for his second term, so I take back that comment above about the Iranians. Production is still in the planning stage so it will be some time until we can avoid it in the theaters, probably just around when we need a pumped up shot of patriotism for the coming war on Iran and President McCain needs a mid term ratings boost in 2010.