Bush Begins Preparations For Nation's Final Year
WASHINGTON—As his last term in office winds to a close, President Bush has directed White House aids and Cabinet staff to begin preparing for 2008, the nation's 232nd and final year in existence.
"My fellow Americans, it has been an honor to be your last president," said Bush during a televised address Tuesday, assuring citizens he would do everything possible over the next few months to promote a smooth transition into utter oblivion. "I want you all to know that I do not intend to let what precious little time we have left go to waste. That's why I ask all citizens to pull together and follow me, so we can accomplish everything we've ever wanted to before it all crumbles around us in a terrible belch of smoke and ash."
Added Bush, "It's now or never, people. No regrets."
As part of his ambitious 11-and-a-half-month plan, Bush has prioritized winning the War on Terror in order to secure Iraq's stability in a world where the U.S. is nothing more than a fleeting memory. Additionally, he has urged Congress to block upcoming stem-cell legislation "just in case," and has set aside the months of April and May to get in touch with all countries the U.S. has wronged in the past and apologize, and default on America's $9.16 trillion dollar international debt with a wild spending spree, respectively.
A special executive committee has also been formed to draft the country's final words.
In response to critics who claim Bush is a lame duck and plans to pass the responsibility of helplessly watching the collapse of society onto the next president, Bush said he is "still the commander in chief," and remains dedicated to solidifying America's legacy before the darkness takes hold.
"I am committed to making this the best damn Swan Song the world has ever seen," said Bush, after enclosing a copy of the Constitution and a recipe for corn dogs in an air-tight titanium capsule to be placed just across the Canadian border. "I know this looks like the end—and it is—but I intend to go out with a bang.
Now, who's with me?"
"My fellow Americans, it has been an honor to be your last president," said Bush during a televised address Tuesday, assuring citizens he would do everything possible over the next few months to promote a smooth transition into utter oblivion. "I want you all to know that I do not intend to let what precious little time we have left go to waste. That's why I ask all citizens to pull together and follow me, so we can accomplish everything we've ever wanted to before it all crumbles around us in a terrible belch of smoke and ash."
Added Bush, "It's now or never, people. No regrets."
As part of his ambitious 11-and-a-half-month plan, Bush has prioritized winning the War on Terror in order to secure Iraq's stability in a world where the U.S. is nothing more than a fleeting memory. Additionally, he has urged Congress to block upcoming stem-cell legislation "just in case," and has set aside the months of April and May to get in touch with all countries the U.S. has wronged in the past and apologize, and default on America's $9.16 trillion dollar international debt with a wild spending spree, respectively.
A special executive committee has also been formed to draft the country's final words.
In response to critics who claim Bush is a lame duck and plans to pass the responsibility of helplessly watching the collapse of society onto the next president, Bush said he is "still the commander in chief," and remains dedicated to solidifying America's legacy before the darkness takes hold.
"I am committed to making this the best damn Swan Song the world has ever seen," said Bush, after enclosing a copy of the Constitution and a recipe for corn dogs in an air-tight titanium capsule to be placed just across the Canadian border. "I know this looks like the end—and it is—but I intend to go out with a bang.
Now, who's with me?"
posted by patootie at 12:20 AM
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