Thursday, March 02, 2006

Every Sperm is Sacred, Every Sperm is Great, If a Sperm is Wasted, God Gets Quite Irate

Former Hitler Youth member and sexual abuse cover up artist Pope Ratzinger has declared that life doesn't just start at conception, but that "embryos developed for in vitro fertilization deserve the same right to life as fetuses, children and adults — and that that right extends to embryos even before they are transferred into a woman’s womb."

Amanda Marcotte at Pandagon is down with that, and I heartily agree! In fact this idea has legs, so to speak.

With all this time and effort put by various out-of-touch patriarchy-loving leaders into according balls of cells person status, I think it’s time we the people started demanding that this reclassification have good effects instead of merely being a tool to strip women of their rights. If embryos are children, dammit, they should be legally classified as such so that they can be used for tax deductions.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I’m down with the idea of reclassifying embryos as children. Not only could you keep a dozen or so in your freezer for tax reasons, but all sorts of social and family problems could be fixed by having embryo children instead of real ones.
Embryo children would be a great solution to the eternal MRA quandary of both wanting physical evidence to the world that your testicles work right but not wanting to pony up for child support. Plus, if you really want, you can just split the “children” in half during a divorce, each spouse getting 6 or so kids to write off on their taxes.

You could decorate their bedroom with refrigerator magnets and make their bed out of a popsicle box.

Best slumber parties *ever*.

If you are divorced, you could handle visitation just by passing the ice chest back and forth.

No potty training.

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The only position on abortion is this: if you don't like it, don't have one. Other than that, shut the hell up.

2 Comments:

Blogger Lesley said...

I always loved that Monty Python song. I think they should play it on Christian radio.

3/3/06 1:51 AM  
Blogger nolocontendere said...

Ahh, the Meaning of Life, one of my favorites.

Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving
And revolving at nine thousand miles an hour.
It's orbiting at nineteen miles a second, so it's reckoned,
'Round the sun that is the source of all our power.
Now the sun, and you and me, and all the stars that we can see,
Are moving at a million miles a day,
In the outer spiral arm, at fourteen thousand miles an hour,
Of a galaxy we call the Milky Way.

3/3/06 8:25 PM  

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