Friday, January 27, 2012


I've got eclectic taste in films, time on my hands and the ability online to watch just about any film I care to. Dramas, comedies, scifi, documentaries, animation, classics, you name it. I'll even try comic book adaptations like The Green Lantern or the thousands of Marvel efforts or Jonah Hex. (an aside here. Megan Fox is not toothsome, she's fucking loathsome with a ton of glop on her mug. If you want to see real beauty take a gander at Monica Bellucci in Tears of the Sun or Whitney Able in Monsters. Both sans makeup in gritty situations and both stunningly gorgeous) I just flat out enjoy movies.

Except for a few. I rarely walk out of the theater, metaphorically speaking seeing as they're playing on the computer monitor, and I'll usually just put up with the worst of them to the end. But I've got to mention some cringeworthy efforts that are just so tough to sit through. For various reasons.

I never understood why Gary Cooper was considered a top tiered movie star. There was just something wrong with his delivery in project after project, something slightly off with his timing and dialogue. Cast in flicks where this suited the rest of the picture this attribute fit in fine, like High Noon or For Whom the Bell Tolls, but for the most part his filmography is filled with stinkers, especially in the latter stages of his career when he traded in on his name. The Mrs and I sat through a joke called Dallas last night where yet again Coop just phoned it in. When we both break into laughter and look at each other with rolling eyes we immediately understand we're just in it for the comedic factor.

Some movies are just incredibly hard to watch even when they're really good. About a dozen years ago one came out called Boys Don't Cry, with Hilary Swank and Chloƫ Sevigny. It's about a transgendered young woman who passes for a guy in a bumfuck Nebraska town, at least for a while. Aside from knowing that it's all going to end quite ugly it's extremely hard viewing. Not for a second did I believe that Hilary Swank looked, acted or sounded like a guy even though all the other actors and actresses went through the motions of being deceived. The disconnect was real hard to take.

Maybe it's because I'm getting older but several contemporary films that became wildly popular just left me looking at my watch, and I ended up doing other things. I really gave The Social Network a good try but Jesse Eisenberg's portrayal of Zuckerberg was so extremely loathsome that I couldn't stand it any more. I heard that The Hangover was laugh out loud boffo stuff but both the Mrs and I didn't find a shred of mirth in that humorless excrement. Now both of those movies get an 8.0 at the Internet Movie Database, a very high rating, so clearly I'm not resonating with younger audiences, but pardon me if repetitive destructive snark doesn't tickle my funny bone. Not very many films move me to click on that big red X, but with hundreds of thousands of others to choose from it's not that big of a disappoint.


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